


Challenge Accepted

by DanitheDoomMagnet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Xeno, domesticide, double dates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanitheDoomMagnet/pseuds/DanitheDoomMagnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux and Dave rooming together was pretty much the worst idea ever.</p>
<p>Everything Sollux does, Dave takes as a challenge. Everything Dave does, Sollux takes as an insult to his family. Do trolls even have family?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Morning Routine

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning : I have no idea where I'm going with this. I do know for a fact it will be ushy gushy rolling around cute domestic things. It might get physical and dirty later? Perhaps?

You wake up at exactly 12:10 every afternoon, on the dot.

He wakes up at exactly 12:09 every afternoon, just to punch you in the arm and tell you to wake the fuck up.

You might not get out of bed immediately, cause god damn your bed is comfy. If clouds and dreams could make sweet love, the result would be the hunk of mattress you are lying upon. And like hell are you jumping out of bed because your dick of a roommate thought it'd be funny as shit to poke and prod you. Nope, you're gonna ignore all that nonsense and stay pleasantly rooted in your spot.

He manages to pull himself up a bit and glance over at you, trying to see if you actually are still sleeping. "Dude, I know your ridiculous schedule by heart now. Playing dead is only hilarious to me, and probably a godsend. So long as the cops don't think I was the one that offed you."

"Chill. Let a bro sleep in once in a while."

"You don't sleep in."

"First time for everything."

That earns an annoyed groan from Sollux, practically slamming his body back down onto the bed and rolling onto his opposite side. Just for that, you slide out of your lovely spot, giving it a few pats before truly parting. No, sweet bed, do not cry, for you will return soon! It was a terrible soap opera every time you left her, she'd never understand that you actually had work to do. It was always her, her, her. Who would have guessed a bed could be such a possessive bitch.

"I hate you."

"But Juanita, I must continue on with the day. I will return when I always do; late at night, where we can keep our love a secret."

"This isn't some shitty soap opera, and I'm not your co-star--"

"I was talking to the bed, man."

He attempts to come up with some form of rebuttal, but can only resolve his anger by yanking a pillow over his face and screaming. You mentally chalk that up as another victory. Then again, you have no clue anymore why you act like this is some sort of challenge. You always win. 

No matter who wins, you always end up making breakfast. And once he smells your patented Strider's Orgasmic French Toast, he always comes stumbling in. You set out his plate as he gets to work on the coffee. You hate that coffee machine more than you hate pretty much anything in this universe. You could only find yourself hating it more if it had an ample rump and a large proboscis jutting out. Luckily, it does not, and Sollux understands your strong vendetta against the machine and has promised to be the only man to work it. What a brave, kind soul he is.

Breakfast is surprisingly quiet today. Every once in a while, an unspoken truce goes on once food has been shoved into faces. No low blows about anything the other makes, because you are both very sensitive cooks. You said his coffee tasted like oil once and you swore he actually cried. Sollux still says he feels bad about that one time he knocked your breakfast over. You still hold him accountable and refused to clean it up for weeks. So when neither of you want to say anything nice, you just shut up and eat. You can tell he appreciates it, but you kind of enjoy all of your stupid fights. At least the rest of the day is still up for Strider levels of destruction.

You're pretty sure Sollux knew the moment you two signed up to be roommates that things were going to be intense. Hell, his best friend was the screaming midget. But Karkat refused to leave John's side for more than five seconds, so Sollux was conveniently shoved your way. You both have a lot in common, he's just really moody. If your emotions weren't under lock and key, you'd probably be just like him. The thought freaked you out a little, that you might secretly be a bipolar whackjob. But the initial fear wore off. Sollux is just a really easily offended guy who throws temper tantrums and occasionally claws up the couch in furious anger. Like a cat. Yeah, you can dig that.

You make your way to the bathroom, snagging up your red toothbrush. Before you know it, he's next to you and armed with the blue. "It's on." Suddenly, Strife music is blasting in your head. Shit is about to get all kinds of real. You ready that toothbrush and shove it into your mouth, sweet guitar solo chiming in as you brush like no one has ever dared to brush before. Sollux gives you a look like you should be in a mental hospital ( he's right ) and gives a glare before taking the toothpaste from you and trying to brush his teeth like a normal person. But no, you're not having that. You start to push your shoulder against his, leaning a good deal of your weight on him so he can't see the mirror anymore. He gives a muffled 'what the fuck' and uses both hands to push you off him, sending you teetering and clinging to the medicine cabinet. You spit your toothbrush out, colliding with his glasses and sending them careening into the toilet. A 'No' fit for only the cheesiest movies is released, but it's too late. They float in the bowl peacefully, taunting the troll. Now it's on.

The room glitters with red and blue electricity as you start to feel yourself floating up. "You're cleaning them off with your tongue, got it?"

"Just cause I dated Rezi doesn't mean I have the killer tongue powers, man. Spare me, it was just a joke."

"Then this will be fucking hilarious."

You are launched out of the bathroom, slammed face-first into the couch. The psionics disappear and you give a small groan, rubbing your throbbing head and rolling onto your back. "Ow." It's deadpan enough that you can get away with saying it, but it did still hurt. Everything offended this dude, it was pretty insane. You get back up and make your way over to the bathroom in hopes to kiss and make up with him. He's sitting on the floor, using your bright pink bathrobe to wash his lenses off. You'd be half upset if he didn't look like such a kicked puppy. You kneel down next to him and roll your eyes, sticking your shades on his face. "We'll swap for the day. It's Saturday, not like anyone's going to even be around to mock us."

"Oh boy! I feel like the luckiest asshole alive."

You roll your eyes and wipe the glasses off a few more times on your pajama pantleg - they're covered in equations, you stole them from him - and place them carefully on your face. You must look retarded, since he's trying to hold in a few snickers, and you pull him up so you're both looking into the mirror. The blue lens made your eye look bright purple, while the other just made it such an obnoxious shade of red. Sollux just looked more like a bug. You ruffle his hair and leave the bathroom again, walking as far away as possible so he doesn't see your huge smirk. Of course, the apartment is small and he can fly. Damn him. 

"Not so fast. Ugh, quit grinning, it makes you look even more retarded -- Ow, god damn you're made of knives, get off!"

You yanked him onto the couch with you, becoming a tangled mass of limbs. Shades clatter and tangle before falling to the ground in a rather graceful manner. He ends up on top of you, breathing like he just ran a marathon and looking at you like you're the Anti Christ. So you respond by bobbing your eyebrows, which just earns a frustrated growl. He seems pretty pissed, which is not hugely different from usual. You pull him into your arms, pushing his face against your chest so he'll quit his grumbling. After a while, he calms himself down and squishes himself between you and the couch, yanking you into his arms instead. He's so possessive, he's lucky you don't make a habit of bringing girls home. "It's almost one, don't you think we should save cuddles for later?"

"You said it yourself, it's Saturday. I'm tired as shit, and you're staying where you are or else."

"Or else you'll crack out the whip and make me?"

"It was a gift from AA you dipshit, you know I'm not the kinky one."

"That is the biggest lie you've ever told in your entire life and you know it."

"Whatever. All I'm saying is, that's not a toy." He successfully ends the argument by burying his face in your shoulder. Cute little bastard. You reach over and scratch behind one of his horns, feeling him smile against you. His moodiness isn't too bad, going from pissy to chill in a matter of moments.

You could deal with that. No problem.


	2. Afternoon Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of lunch with their two best friends. Let's see how long it takes before Karkat is rolling around in homicidal rage. That sounds like a pretty simple challenge.

After some serious cuddle time, Sollux gives a tired nudge to your shoulder. "Shit, we've got that stupid lunch today." You actually managed to drift off a little, so you rub your eyes and turn back to your roommate as you process the news. Right, lunch with Egbert and Vantas, how could you forget. They had actually been understanding enough to understand their schedule and planned their lunch at three, to which Karkat had many issues with. But Karkat could shut his trap and deal.

"Yep. Come on sweet cheeks, let's go get dressed."

You reach over and give his face a few paps, pushing from his hold and getting up a little too quickly. Your vision goes temporarily black as the blood rushes to fill the parts of your body that had been stagnant. After a few moments of this, you regain composure and feel a hand on your arm. Sollux is giving you a concerned look, which you probably deserve. "Don't hurt yourself, idiot." He gives a soft squeeze and you purse your lips at him, a mock kiss. With no other words exchanged, you pick up the fallen glasses. "Think you can wear your own shades for this?"

"Definitely. Mine looked retarded on you anyway."

"Mine made you look like a big bug."

"I AM a bug, to an extent." Which is why it looked so funny, but he knew that. He gives a little smirk and snatches his own glasses, now intent on pulling you back into the room. You make a show of rolling your eyes before you put your wicked shades back on your face where they belong.

The two of you make it back to the bedroom, Sollux going for his drawers while you fish around on the ground for something suitable. Cleanliness was never your thing, and whenever someone attempted to fix that, you effectively turn the rest of the apartment into a floordrobe. Sollux learned this the hard way. Multiple times. It didn't stop him from cleaning you up when you had all your clothes on. So once you fastened on your belt, he was on you. Smoothing out the crinkles in your shirt, fixing your hair with dexterous fingers, wiping at a smudge that has been on your jeans for at least a year. "You are disgusting."

"If I was clean, you'd go insane."

"Point taken." You take this time to fix his hair a bit too as he messes with your collar. You felt obliged to return the preening gestures. Not that you hated it or anything, he always got really passive when you buried your hands in his hair. You absentmindedly run a thumb over his cheek and he shoots you a look. A 'if you get me started, we won't leave the bed for the rest of the day' sort of look. And as much as sex appealed to you right now, the thought of a lunch making Karkat squirm is much more exciting. A new challenge approached, and Dave would be damned if he didn't take it on.

You're smirking by the time you arrive at the restaurant. It was intended to be a surprise, but you wouldn't be shocked if John was a huge ass and ruined it. Red Lobster. Karkat would either destroy the place or run out crying. Both options sounded equally hilarious. You walk inside, taking good care to push Sollux out of the way so you could get in first. Just for that, he beats you to the check in and puts in his name instead. Ten minute wait, that's not too bad. You pull out your phone to text John while looking to grab a seat. Your lovely troll friend does so quite easily, a young family deciding that risking their life with an alien nutcase was not worth their plush seats. You give the family a small salute and take the seat, going back to the matter at hand.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began texting ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: dude where the fuck are you  
TG: captors already made friends  
EB: on our way!  
EB: sorry man, karkat knows something is up and i basically had to pry him off the doorframe.  
TG: liar  
TG: you spilled  
EB: did not!!! he's a lot smarter than you take him for.  
TG: uh huh yeah w/e  
TG: just get your twink ass over here  
TG: remember your stupid pranksters gambit this has got to go off without a hitch  
EB: bluh. he's never going to put out again after this and i blame you.  
TG: boo hoo  
TG: you can always come back to my place  
EB: ew dave! that'd be like fucking my brother.  
TG: dont knock it til you try it lovemuffin  
EB: this is getting too gay for me, dave, i have to focus on the road here.  
TG: fine just get here like now  
EB: pulling up!

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased texting ectoBiologist [EB] --

You find yourself leaning on Sollux's shoulder as you furiously typed away on your iphone, while he seemed pretty content just mumbling to himself. Dude was weird as fuck and had no idea how to function in a social setting, but he was your weirdo. You pat him a few times on the head to remind him that people are watching and he immediately straightens up, shooting you a scowl. "I was doing work, not dealing with them." You have to regularly remind him that schizophrenia is actually seen as abnormal on Earth. Then again, so was homosexuality, but you liked to partake in that just to piss people off.

"Save the work for Monday, we have guests to entertain."

You gesture to the door, seeing John walk in with his hands covering Karkat's face. He kept smiling and giggling at him, saying "It's a surprise!" about a thousand times before they reached you. John always gave the troll a look he didn't ever give anyone else. _The_ look. You occasionally wondered what it'd be like if you showed enough emotion to give a look like that. You probably had to believe in yourself and the people you fell for, first. Scary. 

"Captor, party of four?"

Luckily, the lovers took just long enough for them to finally clear their table. Since when was Red Lobster busy, who knew people still even ate here? It was a mystery to you. Each of you took your seats; you and Sollux knew better at this point and rushed the booth seats, forcing John and Karkat to take the far less superior chairs. John carefully removed his hands, instead latching onto his wrist and keeping him captive. The troll's eyes widened as he saw the cartoon lobster on the cover of the menu. "Oh no, absolutely not! You all are sick fucks, you know that --" John's hand slammed over the angered Karkat's mouth, giving a giggle. "There are kids here, quiet!" Sollux lost it, he was practically in hysterics next to you.

"W-Wow, KK, your FACE holy shi--"

You make it a point to move faster than John had to muffle the curse about to leave Sollux's mouth. "Not cool, man." You pull your hand away and wipe it on his sleeve, offering John a smirk. He huffed and rolled his eyes, pulling his hand away to kiss Karkat on the cheek. "You can get something other than lobster, okay? Look, your dad wasn't even a lobster, he was a crab. Don't get all worked up over this, it was a stupid joke." John wanted to make it very clear how distant he was from this plot. Traitor. The waitress came up, focusing on the two humans at the table. "Can I get you folks some drinks to start with?" You make it a point to order for everyone, mostly because you know what they want. Also because you're faster. "Root beer, Lemonade, Milk, and a kid's fruit punch." Getting the trolls fruit drinks was always hilarious to you, mostly because they complained it looked like their piss. Oh well, more for you.

"Have you decided what you'd like to viciously devour, Vantas?"

"Fu -- uh, Screw you. I'm getting Stuffed Tilapia."

"Ooh, that sounds good! Wanna split?" 

You shoot John a bit of a shocked look. He was abandoning a fantastic prank just to avoid hurting Karkat. You're pretty sure it's not just for the sex, John's not that much of a hornball. He was doing it so Karkat wouldn't get upset. If you had feelings, you would be buried in them. The best thing you can do is give your best friend a tip of your imaginary hat and look back to your menu. "Maine Lobster and Shrimp Trio. We'll go halfsies too." Sollux gave a final snicker and they handed in their menus, ordering once the waitress returned. 

The food wasn't all that terrible, and you got a kick out of the look Karkat gave every time you inhaled a chunk of delectable lobster tail. He focused on tearing apart his fish, which only seemed to make John nervous. He really needed to learn how to be more competitive, maybe you'd teach him sometime. You let Sollux have the shrimp, since there were two and that was his thing. Karkat would nearly go white whenever he saw Sollux attempt to suck the life out of them. He could never properly finish, since he'd end up laughing his ass off in the middle.

You each split the bill and go your separate ways, watching the other two walk off, hand in hand. Sollux follows your gaze, blinking a few times before looking at you. He's analyzing you, you can tell. He wants to know why you're so focused on their relationship when you're blatantly ignoring your own, if you could even bring yourself to call it that. He decides to stop trying to figure out the enigma that is Dave Strider and punches your arm instead. "Let's go home, Romeo."

"How'd I end up as Romeo this time? You know how much I rock Juliet's dress."

"Cause you're standing here and trying to kill yourself, douchebag."

You stop on your way to the car, for just a second. He grins, as if he knew all along that you were a romantic at heart and he got you figured out. You'd hate to give him that victory, so you pull his hand to your mouth and kiss it. "Pretty sure I've got my prize and didn't need to die, now did I?" That made him stutter. He must have thought you had a thing for John still, but you were over that years ago. No, now you were hung up over some stringy bipolar asshole who thought he knew everything.

On the way to the car, he doesn't say another word. He just switches between bright yellow from embarrassment and bright yellow in annoyance. He made it too easy, sometimes. Once you both were in the car, you plant a big kiss on him and head back home. Thank god today was Saturday, nothing else to keep you from properly claiming your prize for the rest of the day.


End file.
